What they don't tell you | Post-Partum
Carrying a child is the most beautiful blessing that I have ever experienced. However, actually giving birth is a whole different story. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that I was able to experience this because after it all, it is such a miracle to bring life into this world. I want to share my post partum journey with my son thus far, as well as my experience with our first child. There is so much that we as women don't talk about regarding the post partum stage and I think it's extremely unhealthy. We need to be encouraging one another and being honest about what comes after pregnancy so that we can uplift one another through the struggles that are to come. Knowledge is so important. The key to being successful is to have the wisdom and knowledge. After you have a baby your body and mind go through the biggest transition, in my opinion, that you as a woman will ever go through. Learning to care for another human being is a huge task. This little person is fully dependent on you for everything. I remember feeling so overwhelmed bringing our daughter home from the hospital. As a first time mom I had no clue what I was doing. People talked to me about the joys of motherhood, but never mentioned anything about how my body would be feeling physically and how my mental and emotional state would be. I want to share a few things that I learned about post partum life from my two pregnancies/labor/deliveries that I think will be beneficial for mama's everywhere to know.
1) Your body is going to hurt -
So often we talk about the positives to pregnancy. Which we should. You don't want to focus on the negative sides and the pain that comes with it; however, it's also not something that should be ignored. As a new mom, I experienced 27 hours of hard labor with our first daughter and I had no idea what my body was going to endure over the next few months. Sleepless nights, stitches, tearing, and just an overall sore body is something to plan for. I remember sitting up in bed at night, while nursing our daughter, just crying because I was in so much pain from giving birth. Give yourself grace. There's so much pressure on new mom's to bounce back physically right away. Your body just birthed a human being. You're going to be sore. You're going to experiences aches and pains. Every woman is different with their recovery time. Some women are healed up in 6-8 weeks. I took much longer. My recovery took 5 months. I was very frustrated and overwhelmed. Knowing what I do now, I can easily encourage you that it takes time and it will get better. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself.
2) Mom Guilt is real -
I am now a mother of two, so I have found that my mom guilt has intensified. I remember it kicking in right away when I had my first child. I would feel guilty going and having a shower, taking time to eat or even going to the washroom. Anything that took me away from her and taking care of her needs, made me feel an overwhelming rush of sudden guilt. Now, with two kiddos, the guilt seems to be magnified. Now I have two to care for. Two to feel guilty about "not doing enough". I feel guilty about not giving our 17 month old daughter the attention she needs and is so clearly demanding. Its difficult at this age too because she doesn't understand the changes that are happening at the moment. How have I been dealing with this mom guilt? I'm reminding myself that it's a normal thing to feel this way. Mother's are made to have this intense sense of responsibility. We are made to care so deeply for our babies. Also, our emotions and hormones are all over the place after giving birth as well. It's NATURAL for you to feel this way. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I have also found that letting your spouse/significant other/whoever you have in your support system know how you're feeling is extremely important. Vocalizing your emotions is always beneficial. Not only for you, but for your support system to know how to help you. I let my husband know when I am feeling this guilt. He is able to talk me through it. Once we talk through it, I normally feel better about taking time to go shower, eat, etc. (all things that are SO important for your health)
3) You're going to bleed and contract -
I never knew this before having kids, but your body goes through a lot to get your uterus back to its normal size. I knew that you experience bleeding after giving birth; however, each pregnancy is different. With my daughter I only bled for 1 week. It wasn't a heavy flow and I had no clots. I did experience some of the yellow discharge in my blood, which I have heard is normal. It freaked me out when I first saw this because no one ever told me that this would happen. Basically, this yellow discharge, which is known as Lochia, is vaginal discharge that you experience post partum. It consists of blood, shedding for the lining of the uterus and bacteria. You normally will notice this about 10 days post partum. With my second child, I have been bleeding much heavier and experienced a few smaller clots around 3 days post partum. My little guy is only 2 weeks old so I still could bleed for a few more weeks. My uterus has been contracting much more intensely this time around. My doctor informed me that this happens to get your uterus back down to its normal size. Each time you have a baby, your body has to work that much harder to get your uterus back to it's normal state. Don't be alarmed when you feel like you're experiencing contractions all over again AFTER labor. I remember thinking, "Oh my god! What's happening!? I already gave birth!!". I don't know if everyone's experience is the same, but I always have contractions when I am breastfeeding. Apparently this is typical. However, I also find that when I am nursing and the contractions come, I immediately need to run to the washroom because I need to make a bowel movement. (TMI I know!)
4) Your stomach isn't going to look the same-
It makes me mad when I hear people talking about how you need to lose the baby weight so quickly. Let me start off by saying EVERY WOMAN IS DIFFERENT. Everyone's body reacts differently to pregnancy and weight gain. Also, every woman has a different shape, metabolism and starting point before pregnancy. Some woman can bounce back very easily; while others it's much harder. I know some women who struggled for years trying to lose the baby weight and get their bodies back to a state that they felt comfortable with. With my daughter, I gained a lot more weight than I did with my son. I carried differently. I showed everywhere on my body. With my son, I mainly gained weight in my stomach and that's where I was showing. I have found that I have lost a big chunk of the baby weight fairly quickly. This wasn't the case the first time around. However, regardless of how fast I have lost some of the weight, I still have insecurities. I still look in the mirror some days and cry. That's very honest, but it's also reality. I would encourage you all not to be too hard on yourself. Yes, your stomach isn't going to look the same right away. It may never look exactly the same, but remind yourself that it's okay. Be easy on yourself and give your body time to recover. You don't want to apply too much pressure to yourself and have your focus shift from your baby onto losing the baby weight. That was my focus with my first baby and it wasn't healthy. I would also encourage you to not put other mama's down when they say they are struggling with losing the weight and struggling with how their body looks now. You may think that they look so good for just having a baby, but every woman handles the changes differently. And for some people, the changes can be so drastic and such a change from what they're used to. Let's have our aim be to uplift and encourage one another.
5) Sleepless nights can make you feel crazy -
I know this probably sounds pretty obvious, but this is something I didn't realize about post partum. Your body is going through a lot and trying to heal. When you don't get the sleep your body needs, your mind can start to feel hazy and play tricks on you. Do your best to sleep when your baby sleeps. Its harder when you have more than one child, but do your best. If your support system offers to watch the baby / children so you can nap, take them up on the offer. I find that my mind plays tricks on me and I get into a haze when I don't sleep enough. I also have been experiencing migraines ever since coming home from the hospital as a result of being sleep deprived. Make sure you're drinking enough water!
6) You will need to do "sits baths" -
Before giving birth I have NEVER heard of this before. After delivering your baby you will most likely have some degree of tearing and require stitches. (Not everyone will) You will need to do these baths called sits baths where you fill this little toilet seat bowl (they provide this for you at the hospital) with water and sit on it to keep your stitches and your area down there clean. The last thing you want is to have your stitches get infected! I remember thinking, I don't have time to do this multiple times a day! However, let me tell you, YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE YOU DO! This will help you heal that much faster and keep everything clean!
7) It's normal to feel the blues -
I remember thinking that I was going nuts because I was so emotional. I was all over the place after giving birth the first time. I am experiencing this again with my son. I recall feeling like I was a horrible mother because when we brought our daughter home for the first night, she screamed non stop. In my head I kept telling myself that I didn't want her here. That I made a mistake and we shouldn't have had a baby. I remember nights when she would be screaming and nothing would calm her down, where I would be walking around the room, exhausted and thoughts of just dropping her would run through my mind. I felt SO guilty for feeling this way because it wasn't what I really wanted to do, it was just so much change all at once. It was so much to have a newborn screaming non stop, an aching body and running on no sleep. I remember vocalizing this to my husband and a girlfriend of mine who had two kids already. She told me that this was normal. That these emotions and thoughts happen to so many mothers. The key is to keep an eye on it. My doctor said the same thing. The first few weeks are such an adjustment. Your body is going through so much. It's okay to have the blues for the first few weeks. However, if you find that these emotions intensify and you are feeling they are out of your control, you need to tell someone and see your doctor right away. You may be experiencing what is known as Post Partum Depression. This can be very dangerous if not taken care of. Both dangerous for you and for your baby.
Know that you are NOT alone. Make sure to discuss how you're feeling with your support system! Don't keep your emotions to yourself. You want to make sure you're taking care of YOURSELF so that you can ensure you're able to care for YOUR BABY.
