5 Things I Didn't know Before Having Kids
I've heard it said to me many times, "Melissa, the days can be long, but the years are short". I didn't really understand what this meant until recently. When our daughter Addison was first born 13 months ago, the time seemed to go extremely slow. Those early newborn days are filled with multiple feedings, crying, spit up, unknowns, exhaustion and anxiety. The idea that the years were going to speed by didn't seem like a reality to me, at least not at the time.
13 months later, my heart aches at the thought of her growing up so fast. Where did the time go? How did we just celebrate her first birthday? My desire is to cherish every moment, soak in all the small things, and not miss the wonder and adventure that she introduces me to as the years go on.
Motherhood is a blessing. I wouldn't change the timing of when we had Addison, or the rough road that led up to conceiving her. The Lord planned it perfectly.
However, let's be honest! It's no easy task. It's not for the faint of heart.
Here are 5 things I didn't before having children.
(If you don't already know, my husband and I are expecting our second child this February.)
1. Labor and Delivery isn't a "beautiful/magical experience".
Is it just me, or did any other mamas out there have a preconceived idea that labor and delivery was going to be this magical and beautiful experience? Was anyone else told countless times that giving birth was although painful, the most beautiful thing? If not, then I'm happy for you. I was told many times, by countless women, that giving birth was going to be a very different experience than it turned out to be. Granted, I had a very rough labor and delivery, being in labor for 27 hours, pushing for 6 hours and having to use forcepts to finally get her out. I agree that the entire experience is incredible when you think about it. If you have ever been pregnant, you have a joy of growing a human child inside of you. Every kick is a miracle. However, the experience was nothing short of traumatic. Don't go into labor thinking it's going to be the same as someone else you know.
EVERY WOMAN is different. EVERY EXPERIENCE is different. The recovery process is different from every woman too.
I think the most important thing to do as women and mothers is to talk. Talk about your experiences. Talk about motherhood and labor in a realistic way. It prepares someone much better than painting a picture of an unrealistic experience that they may or may not have.
2. Mommy Guilt is REAL.
Have you ever heard mom's talk about "Mom guilt"? I heard it thrown around a few times before I had Addison, but never understood it. I would hear mom's say, "my daughter/son is trying to nap but they're screaming. I feel so guilty. I want to go and pick them up". I remember thinking, "oh my goodness. You're being so dramatic."Oh, has my view on this changed. Every little thing can bring about guilt as a parent. You want what's best for your child, but there's many times but you second guess yourself, you allow the feeling of guilt keep you from doing what is best.
I remember the first time my husband and I tried sleep training Addison. WHAT A LONG NIGHT. We did a method where you don't go into their room at all. You need to let them cry it out and it takes about 3-4 days for them to adjust and be able to sleep on their own. We put her down in her crib, walked out, closed the door and what do you know..... SCREAMS. We have a video baby monitor. I remember sitting in bed watching her on the monitor as she screamed, and bawling. As the tears poured down my face, my husband kept reminding me that we are doing this for her own good. That she will eventually learn to sooth herself and she will get onto a sleep schedule. I threw out all these theories about how I was hurting her and being a horrible mother as I cried. Mom guilt is real, guys.
But let me tell you, if we had based our decision to sleep train out of guilt, our daughter would continually be up during the night and not on a good schedule. It took all but 3 nights and she was sleeping on her own. 630pm-7am.
3. The parent's you used to judge.... that might be YOU now.
Have you ever been in the grocery store and see a kid having throwing a tantrum or getting cranky, so their parents open up a box of cereal or open a box of cookies to keep them quiet?
I remember thinking this was insane. I thought, I'll just listen to them fuss and then they'll learn.
It's so funny how easily you can make comments when you haven't experienced something first hand. I find myself doing the EXACT same thing now. I didn't realize I would soon be THAT parent who opens up food in the store. My stance now is, if it keeps them occupied so that you can get your errands done, there's no harm done. Don't be so quick to judge other parents. You never know, that may be you soon. You need to figure out what works best for you, for your child.
4. Your food is no longer YOUR food.
My daughter can have a full plate of food, but as soon as I sit down to eat, all she wants is whatever i'm having. She may even have the exact same thing as I do, but nope, she wants what mama's eating. I probably eat 20% of what's on my plate when she's nearby, because those little fingers creep up looking for that other 80% for herself.
5. Nothing lasts for long.
Don't get comfortable at any stage. I learned this over and over again over the past 13 months. The newborn stage was rough. Addison was very cranky, wouldn't sleep unless being held in either mine or my husbands arms... ALL NIGHT LONG. I remember when she turned 4 months old and we got her sleep trained. She was a different child. It seemed like a fun stage. A stage that was easier than the previous. But, SURPRISE!! It didn't last for long. I was upset and frustrated when she turned 6 months and the stage changed completely. Then 9 months hit, this seemed like a fun stage. She was growing more, exploring, active and trying to crawl. We had lots of fun. She continued to have 2 naps a day without interruption. I got comfortable. SURPRISE! Teething started. New stage. New challenges.
Although every stage comes with new challenges, cherish them. Don't get too comfortable because as I said, things change quickly. Nothing stays the same for long. Be open to growing.
